The Hug of a Clown

A Hug, It had a lot of importance in my life once, but lately i have realized that the power a hug had, to make people stay with you, wasn't there any day. I thought may be one hug can solve all the chaos, but it never happened. A hug used to be an unspoken promise, that "I am there with you."

I admit the fact that I now don't believe in the conviction of hug. So I have stopped hugging the loved ones, because once i opened my eyes, and all they witnessed, an empty ring of arms and a blurred silhouette of them going away from me. I tried calling them back, asking for one more hug, thinking they would come back, but it didn't happen. As i have always been, i would never like the loved ones under any blame, so i take it all on me. They were nice, may be i didn't know how to keep them.

A hug have may have been an answer to all the question for two hearts which belongs so well, but now it's the question.

Maybe I would never ask anyone to stop and stay by me, not because i don't want to, but i know they won't come back. The hug would not work its magic.

Said The clown in his broken voice, because he choked while trying to put an end to his tears which he bleed in his smile everyday in front of his spectators of his circus.

Awake

Without you, i am living like, i am dying,
with every breath i take, i breathe death and exhale my soul.
I dont have you by my side, my hands don't have a head to rest now,
I am free to live in a suffocated room of dying memories
A dark room, where my tears are the oil to the lamp of my burning heart.

I stiill go to the holy place, i used to visit with you,
for wishing, only to be with you,
Now I go , to wish a visit with the death,
because the pond next to the holy place,/
where you used to pour the holy water of the pond
on my head with your beautiful hands,
Now I dont have that hand, and that water would never touch my
head again, I guess.

So may be its my time to say good bye to myself
Cause its been a long day and a forever long night for me
but i still have not been able to catch on sleep
I have forgot, what sleeping used to be like.
Its has been months, when i would have wake up to the morn/
because for waking up, it demands to sleep

Everything has started to fade away, my dreams, my smile, my tears, my breath
I dont knw, if i am can still find the reset button to all this or not,
But somewhere i know, even if i get that,
i wont be able to hit it, because then,
i might have to start all over again
i dont know if i would be able to start or not,
but i guess, it would end again, but maybe not like this,/
I would like to staay and witness that,
but i have been awake for quite a long time,
and my eyes filled with tears,scarrying a burden of sweat on the lids and
gravitational force of the earth also failed to bring my eyelids down,
and my eyes have started dying too.

I would like to write more, express more,/
but now suddenly i have started to feel,
my brain has become light wight and
my eyelids have gained some weight,
I guess the overdose of sleeping pills are working
The box of pills said right, it works when we don't
SO NOW i am goin...like,.... iiiiiiii    dnt know      where......
i will seE If I caNM comEw Back.

Sach toh sach hai

dheeme bolo ya bolo chahe zor se
sach toh sach hai
kadvi ho ya ho meethi
sach toh sach hai

jameen pe bolo ya dohrao aasman me
sach toh sach hai..
tera nahi mera nahi..
sach toh sach hai

likh k bolo ya chahe bolo gaa gaa ke..
sach toh sach hai..
sochne ki baat hai
sach toh sach hai..

smjho ya na samjho
apni suno ya dusre ki
khud ki karo ya karo dusre ki kahi
sach toh sach hai..

main bolu, tum bolo
main ladu, tum lado
bolu chahe na bolu
suno chahe na suno

jhooto ki duniya mein aj bhi woh zinda hai..
kyunki sach toh sach hai..
sach ki toh sirf ek hi baat hai
ke sach toh sach hai..

woh marta bhi toh kaise, rota bhi toh kyun
kehne ki jo baat hai,
uska yeh ek sach hai
uska sach toh sach hai.

kehna mera bhi galat ho sakta hai,
main bhi jhoota ho sakta hoon,
yeh jo sach ka naam main jap rha hoon
yeh bhi galat ho sakta hai..

phir bhi ek amar sach hai.
ki sach toh sach hai.

Reminder

Nrityansh and Geetanshi have been together, and all these time were good and there was a togetherness, when their ship of love got hit by iceberg of worldly measures.
A piece of conversation from that evening.
Nrityansh: I love you Geetanshi.
Geetanshi: Hmmm.... I am alright.
Nrityansh once again said : I love you Geetanshi.
Geetanshi kept her silence, didn't replied to him.
Nrityansh: I know you love me, but you won't say it. You might not be feeling well at this point of time, while you are taking a deep dive into your own thoughts. And don't worry I am not expecting a reply from you. "I love you Geetanshi" these words are not for you, they are for me. With all the troubles going around, i keep reminding myself, that I love you. My heart may feel low, when you don't reply saying "I love you Nrityansh", but thats alright. Everytime i speak my heart, i keep reminding myself, that I love you and I should not forget that I am fighting for us, and not just for you or myself.
I am going to say this a million times and even more, till the time death do us apart. But I just want you to remind yourself that you love me, because that would give you the strength to fight for us. That works for us. It have been and it will be always. I love you Geetanshi.

A letter to her father.

Hello Sir,

I hope you are fine, after all the stress you went through, which was never there in my to do list. I never wanted to hurt anybody in your family, by loving your daughter. Your daughter, what shall I say about her, you already know her for such a long time. But what I am going to say today, is about your daughter and me, together, because you didn't get to know us, and perhaps you don't even want to know about us.

But this is my attempt to save, all what I have got. I have known your daughter for a long time. We have been in a realtionship and invested a lot in this relationship to understand each other better than ourselves. We discuss our differences to maintain a balance relationship. I have always made sure, to stand with your daughter in all her good and bad times. I respect my mother a lot, cause my father always taught me to respect women. I have made sure that I follow those teachings dedicatedly. But there is something more important than this relationship between your daughter and me, that is our FRIENDSHIP. The strong and inseparable pillars of this relation between both of us.

I know you were always aware of the fact that I am one special friend of your daughter, because she would always bring my name into any discussion she had with you. She would always try to tell you that I am his more than a special friends. But I belive you couldn't read between the lines, or perhaps you avoided reading them.

I am from a different religious background, than yours. But being born in respective religions, is not a mistake either on my part or your daughters part. As soon as a baby is born, he is differentiated into religion, caste, class from one identity he carried with himself while arriving into this world, HUMAN. I would like you to know, that though i am born in different religion, i respect all the religions equally, i bow my head with equal devotion infornt of all the religious places. But just because I fell in love with your daughter, and want her to be with me, i went little ahead than my comfort zone, I have started reading the holy book of your religion. I pray to your master everyday to keep you all happy and give me strength to confront you all one day.

Now, having said that I would just like to add few more things to the list, which would be probably more important for you than these religious differences and all the other secondary parameters.
I love your daughter and I want to grow old with her. I want to spend my every single breath i breathe, onto her happiness. I want her to live a life of elegance, pride. I want her to live her life to the fullest. I want all of her dreams to come true. I WANT TO LOVE HER AND PROTECT HER TO AN EXTENT WHERE YOU WON'T EVER HAVE TO WORRY. I am sure you don't like to see her cry. I get tensed too when her tears fall. I can't see her hurt just like you can't. I know a father is a daughter's first love. I will always come second to you, and i am not jealous of the fact. But just in this healthy competition of being her first love, i have found her and mine happiness.

So, today i am writing this letter to you, to be your friend. Make me your friend, so you can help me out sometimes in keeping your daughter happy. I have this faith, once we would start knowing each other, we would be best of friends. My father is my best friend, and if we both also become good friends, i would be lucky enough to have the friendship of two fathers in one lifetime.

This is my attempt to be friends with you and your family. Give me one chance and i will prove to you that i will never be a heart ache.


Would be looking forward for your reply.

Regards,
Nrityansh

WAQT KI AJAB PAHELI

Waqt ki yeh ajab paheli hai..
Dheeme dheeme bit rha hai...
Par har pal mein, ek muddat le jata hai...
Itna sa kusoor hua mujhse...
Ispe bharosa kiya badhke khudse..

Laakar yeh aj bhi whi khada kardeta hai...
jha se chala tha kabhi mein ise apna banake..
Waqt mera hai, kehta rha main..
Par jor ispe na chala saka main.

Waqt ne apna hi rutba dikhaya hai..
mujhe rulane ko, tohfa gam ka diya hai...
Aur phir dheeme dheeme bit rha hai...
Is baar khushi ki taraf jata dikha hai..

Ek yeh umeed bhi waqt ka meet hai...
Yeh sang mere yha baitha hai...
Rulayi mein aansoo ponchta hai mere
Kehta hai jab waqt milega khusi se meri...
Toh le jayega mujhe, woh agle mod pe.

Tab tak waqt dheeme dheeme bit rha hai...
Har pal main , ek muddat le ja rha hai.

MISTAKES

so what people I have made mistakes.
I do them often, n have wrong takes
I have earned some n lost some too.
I've got some frnds n made foes too
Cuz I've got lot of things to do.

Did mistakes and had another rise
Because a Bee can't make a hive
Everytime it had tried,
Some stars may fell off the sky,
But the others still have to shine.

Times ago he bought somes stakes
But the prices didn't rise
He worked hard from morn to eve
And strived to survive
With his head held upto the sky

Life didn't come with a manual book
Though people may give u a rude look
Keep doing ur thing and overlook

One fine day when u r done with mistakes
Experience is wat u earn n ur own space
Which u made By doing sme mistakes
And evrything will fall right in to the place

Life is not a freeway
N Hurdles might engulf ur way
Nod to their advices and in the end
Move on n Do wat u had to do anyway

THE 90's life

I miss 90's life, the time things were neither very fast forward, and not very slow, like the slow motion dance. Things were at their right pace, as i belive, people never rushed for things. The era, where after school when we reached home, the first thing we used to do was complete our school homework, so that we won't have to miss out on the evening shows telecasted on the television like The Small Wonder, Teletubbies, Scooby Doo, Popeye, Power puff girls. Waking up in the morning, going to school and then waiting for the 7 long periods to get the games period, so we can be the fearless players and imitate our favourite basketball or cricket player, and then plan to meet in the evening with gang friends and rule the local park with badminton sticks and have long conversation over the girl with the two ponies and beautiful smile because we were smart and she was cute. Unlike today where kids now come from school to open up their facebook account and dont watch cartoons, rather they find out thing about everything by liking their pages. They dont have to be tensed about missing out the episodes of their favourite show the last day, because they have subscribed to youtube channel of their and so they dont say ever to their parents, "I won't have dinner tonight, because i missed the show." School are no longer a place where kids use to wait for the games period. Play grounds are empty, no one is there to fight for which class would first have their basketball game, cause there are less people to play from both the ends. Rather online poker and pool player are very active online, wait a second, this kid is in school at 1 in the afternoon and he is playing pool online, howcome, oh, i forgot it's not the 90's, kids dont fear taking there costliest phone to school even if they may not carry their notebooks, because they have lots of things to do, whatsapp status updates like "Miss fernander class.... BORRRINNG" and they would suddenly get a ping from a cute class mate on their BBM to add them. And few weeks later their would be an update on the facebook profile of this boy about being in a realtionship with that cute classmate, perhaps i forgot to mention a complicated relationship update, because the girl didn't like the profile picture of this guy, and this guy is tensed over this and may have had fights, and wait a second what i see no 15 minutes later , an update , this guy is over with the relationship. So this is not 90's for sure, where a ping was asking for stationery or notebooks from the cute classmate, love was not expressed through putting an update on facebook, rather relation was made when cute classmate would help in studying for exams. Proposals were not a request but and expression which was conveyed by our best friend and then the thing would evolve.

This is not 90's for sure, things are not moving at the right pace, rather at a very high pace. People have turned impatient, quick and instant desire of everything is surrounding everyone. We are at a pace, where we like our food in our stomach withing a minute, so we don't cut, boil. fry our food, rather we would order Mcdonals or dominos, and in that mean time our order arrives, we would probably be chatting upon a pack of Lays and Diet coke, because dieting is the trend, otherwise you may die eating, and if there is still a minute delay in your order to arrive at your table, you have got the time to Check In on your profile, " -at Mc Donalds with "a person with i whom i haven't even talked about his or her life but i am tagging, because i am in a free wifi zone"   - Feeling Superb,

Not so 90's thing. Thing were great when mom would cook food and friends would have endless discussion and untidy the room, so after they will be back home, I would be cleaning up my room and feeling blessed to have these moments.

Things may have changed a lot now, things are now not so 90's style. I have to be at pace with the changing world around me, cause change is the only constant in this world, But I miss 90's life with the music and parties on big juke boxes and walkmans and not on ipod, pop songs on radio and not on soundcloud, shows on television and not on youtube, realtionship in real life and not on facebook. I miss 90's life.

Ek karz hai mujhpe

Kuch na rha ab baaki mere hisse mein,
saanson ka bas yeh ek karz hai mujhpe,
chahu toh abhi karlu mohabbat maut se mein,
par kuch apne abhi bhi hai mere aangan mein.

Har waqt yeh khyal rehta hai mann mein,
saath nibhate nibhate sabka, kudh ko kitna peeche chodd aaya main,
maa ne kitni awaazein lagayi thi mujhko,
jaane ko mana kiya tha duniya mein
dheeth mera bachpana tha, bure ko aate dekh pehchan na saka mein

jalta hai tan mera, thandi thandi baarish mein
laal rang ke aansu, bas thame huye hai aankhon mein
saath ab kisi ka nahi mere hisse mein,
saanson ka bas yeh ek karz hai mujhpe

arth nhi hai ab mere lafzon mein,
dard nhi hai, mujhko mar jaane mein,
tawazzon dete dete thakta nhi tha jinko main
saamne hoke bhi unko dikhta nhi main

raah ab kisi ki nahi  meri aankhon mein,
saanson ka bas yeh ek karz hai mujhpe

STOP IT!!

So, going through news today, once again came across,column filled up with rape and sexual harassment with women. I think we might become the super nation by 2020, but with this rapid increase in rape cases, our so called brave Indians, whose bravery has just reduced to harassing women and raping them, this nation is going to be the super rapist nation by this year end only, or probably a month. Won't we be proud our nation, which is called BHARAT MATA , is itself the one, who ranks at top position in raping mother, daughter, sister, grandma, just every other women in this nation, perhaps of other nations too, cause they would never like to not show off their bravery of harassing women, the best what they can do.

I am not writing this blog to ask when this is going to stop, i am not asking women to plead for mercy for not harassing them, my point is to please fight back, even if it is at the cost of your life. To all the men, who are just so much the devotees of sex and filled up with "bhakti"( devotion) for physical pleasure, at the cost of harming a women, i wish death for you all.
 I would not say ,  to the men before raping women think about their female family members, because if they had any care for them, they wouldn't have ever dared to hurt female member of any other family.
But I guess, your sexual urge and an aim to ruin down the identity of women, their dreams, their confidence, to prove  your bravery in harassing women, is greater than anything in this world.

You blame movies for showing up so called "masala" in it. You blame girls for wearing short clothes, you blame women for wearing sarees, burkha, full body covered dresses, you blame women for working late at nights and coming home late in the nights,  because they all provoke you to rape a women. Perhaps, you should blame yourself being a man. The blame is actually on you for taking birth. The blame is on you for letting the devil win inside you. The blame is on you for not stoping.


Girls are not the criminals for being rapped, criminal is the rapist. And to the leaders of this nation, no matter how many strict laws, security or precautions you introduce, this  monstrous crime of ruining down an identity of women, self-confidence, it's only gonna stop, when you execute the plans to actually stop it.


This blog might go on in the list of all those blogs about stopping this crime, may it also get copy pasted in some school projects or college assignments, or some internet articles, but the point is STOP IT.

Born to truth, Death to lie.

Sitting here, on my office desk, and wondering whats going on with the life, where life is heading. Billions of thoughts, storming my brain, insisting my heart to just simply take a pause from this life, perhaps a stop also, so that i don't have to face the lie.
"Everybody lies, and that's the only truth of life" I still hear the echo of these lyrics, while i was performing jazz dance to it last year. I understood the music for setting up choreography on the song, but now i wonder if anyhow i could have figured out a choreography for my life, a choreography which would have been a blend of the best flexibility to the sweet music of false promises i have been made with so much of love, that they even promised, that when i will hit the ground, i would not even fill the pain.
But I believe that was just an another fake truth they said to me.
                 They lifted me up in the heaven, with all their lies, that i didn't even realized that there is ceiling at top of this heaven, which is waiting for my head to hit it hard, so i fall, and when i fall, those sweet poisoners moved away with floor itself, so this time i didn't even hit the floor, i choose to just keep falling, so that someday my body will just rest on a bed of roses, as they said, they would be there to catch me if i fall. But No wonder, the bed of roses were replace by a cot of thorns, that too just in the shape of my anatomy, so this time when i fell down there on that cot, every single thorn was right there in my bones and my spinal cord. What a perfect master plan they had, and i didn't even realized it.
       So now when my spines is shattered, and my broken hands are tied with chains, I am dead to the bone, my soul is torn apart, and the icing on the cake , was that they asked me not to cry and scream. Because they would not like to witness my tears and hear my screams. But they do love to see my heart bleed. I heard,  tears are colorless, but i have witnessed my heart cry, red in color with dark blue smudges on the surface.

Still, something inside me is there, which don't believes that it all was a lie, my crying heart, still find it hard to believe, it is still beating to witness the truth of those words. Somehow it is still working,

I know the only truth we are born to witness is death. Rest, all is just another lie.
Sitting here, on my office desk, I am wondering if there is any other truth i can witness in my life, before i die to a lie.

WHERE WE ARE?

67 years of freedom, and still there is the invisible cage to slave us all. Today we talk about, development, modernisation, westernisation, freedom and rights, and we are the same person who dont want anybody to excersice their rights. You might be wondering what is all this about, that i am talking about, but don't worry this is not going towards those blogs which discusses about political and economical reforms even after 67 years of freedom.
                  But today i am going to tell you a short story about how these 67 years old free INIDA, has made me face 22 years of my life with a cage around me. So, the very first choice which i would have wanted to make, as soon as i stepped in this world, was to take breath, grow a bit, run a bit, walk a bit, fall a bit, and then again rise a bit.  I am not saying that i didn't got the freedom to do all this, rather what used to happen is that there are those so called " CHAAR LOG" whom i really didn't even a got a chance to meet in my life, i was constantly put under a pressure that what they are going to talk about me, if they get to know "I want to live my life on my terms." But nevermind, i never payed attention to those peoples.
         
But now what, Is this blog a autobiography of me? The answer is No.  This is a mirror to the most hypocrate country in this world. Our country speaks of everything which western people speak, they immitate and mimic everything which is being carried out in different nations, but if you remember once the famous " CHAAR LOG" said a very wise thing, that NAKAL KARO, PAR AKAL BHI LAGAO, atleast they gossiped something wiseful. So now what happend, people started the theory of "CTRL+C" and "CTRL+V" and never tried to understand the concept for any of those things which they copied from outer nations, they never used their "AKAL", brains.

                                 The real story which I am going to tell is that I am a hindu boy who is in love with a girl from different religion. Everything has been going smooth for quite a long time. But is it possible to have any indian story-telling without twist and melodrama, simply NO. So almost everybody knows the concept of "ctrl+c" and "ctrl+v", so INDIANS are no where at the back of the crowd, whenever there is a chance for them to boast, how well educated they are, how much respect they have in the society and how deep is their relation with the famous CHAAR LOG. So they would always say we are in favour of "ONE RELIGION". We are no longer advocates of our religion, but we are followers. Which is absolutely no truth? I have been separated from my love for quite a time, just because they dont want the CHAAR LOG to know about our love, beacuse that would definately would not be appreciated by those CHAAR LOG. But I am keeping my patience, and the intresting thing is the source of strength for me is the same as the source of restrictions for them, the holy books of all the religion. I have started reading them recently, "MARTA KYA NA KARTA??" so i took the support of reading the holy books of the religion.  And after reading a good amount of pages, i was shocked to realise, that all these religions, for which we criticise each other, are all the same. Each holy book, talks about, LOVE, ONE ALMIGHTY, BROTHERHOOD. So i dont understand, that being a 22 year guy am i fool to understand that these holy books, in each of their way, only leads all the followers to central point, where everyone is child of the same GOD, or those who are way more older than me, are intelligent enough to understand that there is no central point.

Just to quote a few from those holy books

Geeta says:
 sarva-dharmān parityajya

mām ekaḿ śaraṇaḿ vraja

ahaḿ tvāḿ sarva-pāpebhyo

mokṣayiṣyāmi mā śucah

 Abandon all varieties of religion and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear

koee bolai raam raam koee khudhaae ||
koee saevai guseeaa koee alaahi ||
kaaran karan kareem ||
kirapaa dhhaar reheem ||

Some call the Lord 'Ram, Ram', and some 'Khuda'. Some serve Him as 'Gusain', others as 'Allah'. He is the Cause of causes, and Generous. 

                    I wont add much details about my relationship, but all what i would like to say is if you are CTRL+C and CTRL+V literate, there are still a large chunk of INDIA, who is not literate enough to copy and paste everything, but they do understand the concept of humanity, love and one religion. And for that I am proud on all those peoples, who copied paste but had their brains in their head, because they were never worried about what those four famous individuals are going to talk about them, if they decide to live the life on their terms. Yes, they only think of their happiness and are not scared of anything, but they do take responsibity that their happiness would not hurt that of others.
               At the end, would only like to add. all religions are one, INDIANS if we say that as we read that from our holy books, then please lets also have some guts to beilieve and encourage it.
But alas!! " MERA DESH SO RAHA HAI", and everytime anybody who tries to wake them up, either they are pushed towards "snooze" or simply "dismiss". No human being have any provision to get a certified letter from heaven that this human being bears a good character. It's just you have to keep a belief in that and not hit the snooze button, rather wake up, let the love and peace blossom, and religions prosper, so that you can do the rightful justice to all the teachings of those holy books and to humanity of this world.

 I REST MY CASE, I LET YOU ALL TO THINK WHAT SHOULD BE DONE IN ORDER TO KNOW, WHERE WE ARE?


                                                                         #ONE RELIGION